im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
