hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
