Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
