the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
