# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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