It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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