I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
