according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
