I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
