The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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