Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
