just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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