No stitches, just platelets and will power
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
