So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
