i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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