do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
