what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
