i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
