All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
