wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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