Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
