the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
