I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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