i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
