We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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