mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
why is half of my head shaved?
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