Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
