Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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