Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
