my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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