Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
