hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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