I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
