We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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