So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so let's talk penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
