Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
