just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I party with great urgency now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
