I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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