at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
