Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
