Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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