I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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