Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
