was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
