you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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