Yo dont text me then not text me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
