its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
