I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
