peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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