trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
