i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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