No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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