tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
