You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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