I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
