he thought i was a dude.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
